Summernites88 43 C
7  Articles
Loosen up   8/20/2019

Getting ready for a meet...loosen up. Remember your here for fun. Although keeping our nerves in check is not easy. So lighten up and have the most fun imaginable.


5 Comments, 90 Views, 56 Votes ,4.74 Score
1175cuckcuple 44 C
2  Articles
GETTING FINGERED   8/13/2019

how long getting fingered before its no longer foreplay????


1 Comments, 17 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
dess36 48 M
119  Articles‚ Score 4.9
I like   7/23/2019

I like to do it in public places, but of morbid people ho like to look, to me as you can see in my photos, I love it...


6 Comments, 63 Views, 18 Votes ,1.76 Score
msheidileann 39 F
1  Article
How would you feel if you had a fart sucked right. out of your butt?   7/22/2019

It has been some time since the incident, but I remember it like it just happened today and I am still in shock. <br><br> We were being hosted at a nicer Motel 6 than I had seen ever, it had to be a new construction. Be mindful that my fiance and I are still relatively new to the swing of things and myself even brand new. The whole idea of fucking other men in front of my fiance, ...


12 Comments, 239 Views, 91 Votes ,5.12 Score
Sex Stories   6/29/2019

"Most people can probably agree sex is pretty great—at least, until something gross and unexpected happens and totally kills the mood. If you look back, you can probably think of at least a few scenarios where something disgusting happened in bed—something that, if you weren't pants-less, would have you running for the door at lightning speed. <br><br> For your ...


2 Comments, 66 Views, 39 Votes ,1.93 Score
Fully_Loaded_100 31 M
6  Articles
What's the funniest thing that's happened to you during sex?   6/11/2019

I once broke the bed right before climax.. went right through it!


0 Comments, 57 Views, 36 Votes ,3.24 Score
BoyFreaky22 25 M
3  Articles
Said "No Thank You"   6/10/2019

One night, drinking at my friends, I decided to invite a girl friend over to partake. As the night went on, and her drooling over me, things started to die down and get quiet. Just as the room got silent, my girl friend leaned over and yelled "LET'S FUCK". Me being shy, politely said "No thank you". The next week, the same girl friend called me up and asked me if I would ...


1 Comments, 92 Views, 43 Votes ,3.91 Score
Lickin805 29 M
5  Articles
anyone ever...   5/27/2019

slap a girls ass while your 69ing and then get the weird feeling like a you just disturbed a bunch of poop particles that are now falling down onto your face...probably not but I swear i've felt dusting before and it really pulls you out of the moment and makes you hesitant to slap that ass again...


2 Comments, 48 Views, 34 Votes ,1.26 Score
Pal4Perks 59 M
3  Articles
Panty hose   5/23/2019

So I ducked this woman I met. See told me discrete, and she really wanted it bad. Great i hit it hard, and fast, done in record time. Then she tell me she was a virgin. I say, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have taken my time with you. She says, if I knew you were going to take your time, I would have taken my panty hose off.


0 Comments, 45 Views, 29 Votes ,2.64 Score
jr42468 52 M
24  Articles
you have to be funny   5/22/2019

i think that all relationships have to have a good sense of humor it lightens the mood sometimes when tensions are high


1 Comments, 34 Views, 17 Votes ,3.97 Score
man4nightfun2 49 M
4  Articles
meet you in heaven   5/20/2019

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her — “Hello” “How are you! We’ve been waiting for ...


3 Comments, 73 Views, 30 Votes ,3.34 Score
man4nightfun2 49 M
4  Articles
mothers   5/15/2019

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. <br><br> The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and ...


5 Comments, 68 Views, 35 Votes ,2.71 Score
man4nightfun2 49 M
4  Articles
mothers   5/3/2019

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. <br><br> The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and ...


4 Comments, 117 Views, 47 Votes ,3.23 Score
Alakabam92 26 M
9  Articles
Points   4/30/2019

Just here for the points


8 Comments, 84 Views, 55 Votes ,4.95 Score
flicker3210 31 M
4  Articles
Chewing (Dick) Gum   4/7/2019

I was very young at that time, still in my teens. I was dating a girl and we agreed to a blowjob before moving onto actual sex. She was giving me a nice head and I was enjoying thoroughly as this was the first time I was receiving . She, at the same time was chewing a gum. When she took out my dick from her mouth there was this white substance on its head. She was feeling apologetic that she had ...


2 Comments, 104 Views, 52 Votes ,3.35 Score
fun4we2or3 43 M
8  Articles
the funniest thing you ever had happen while playing with a partner   3/23/2019

I would be interested in hearing from others as to the funniest thing that has ever happened ..... in the moment..


6 Comments, 80 Views, 36 Votes ,3.76 Score
Married or Single   3/19/2019

I was wondering what type of situation most women prefer here. When one is involved, do you prefer to find someone else who is also in a relationship or is preferable to find a single man. What do the single women here prefer. I like a drama free situation with someone fun and outgoing, but I am single and keep my options open.


5 Comments, 56 Views, 22 Votes ,4.57 Score
seriously ,that is considered bisexual ? I am wondering.   3/19/2019

Bisexual seems like a simple term that is easy to understand. But , is it really that simple to declare some a bisexual? Does having participated in a 3 way with another of the same sex make some a bisexual? Does intimate contact with the same sex define the sexuality , or is it the intent of the parties involved. I get a lot of men that want to give oral sex, but If I accept , am I now a ...


9 Comments, 119 Views, 43 Votes ,4.22 Score
UncutLVRJulio 30 M
5  Articles
Relationship Clichés: What They Really Mean   3/18/2019

Regardless of who you date, no matter how long the relationship lasts; chances are you’ll hear some (if not all) of these favorites. Here’s what they really mean. <br><br> “Sometimes the person you want the most is the person you are best without.” I like you but we DO NOT get along. <br><br> “Everything is going to be OK. Maybe not now or ...


8 Comments, 176 Views, 91 Votes ,5.19 Score
trellos4u2 33 M
9  Articles‚ Score 4.6
wtf   3/10/2019

for fun or not


5 Comments, 59 Views, 43 Votes ,3.54 Score
DOM_Mann80 38 M
6  Articles
Does humor has priority for you in a relationship ?   2/25/2019

Does humor has priority for you in a relationship ?


3 Comments, 51 Views, 35 Votes ,5.26 Score
6ft3intallBBC 26 M
4  Articles
sex   2/16/2019

https://www.healthywomen.org/content/article/understanding-your-sex-drive-when-one-you-wants-it-more?context=healthcenter/60&context_title=60&context_description=


1 Comments, 30 Views, 19 Votes ,0.75 Score
NaughtyNights125 29 M
1  Article
People who do not understand other people   2/6/2019

So I work with this guy who decided the best way for him to find the girl of his dreams is to try to meet someone, from another country, online. He had a picture of this girl he was talking to and was so happy... Only problem was when he showed me it was a picture of a pornstar. Aside from this she also claimed to be in South Africa, yeah that country known for being terrible, and needed money ...


2 Comments, 56 Views, 17 Votes ,2.84 Score
lookn4yu2day 68 M
18  Articles
It's ALL Good!   2/6/2019

In a relationship? Is it a permanent marriage type? Serious one such as being engaged? Starting one as in just getting to know each other? <br><br> No matter the status of the relationship.... ya gotta keep all in perspective. Nothing.... there should be nothing too serious so as to not be able to communicate about and keep things "light." There is a need to ...


1 Comments, 56 Views, 42 Votes ,3.31 Score
man4nightfun2 49 M
4  Articles
meet you in heaven   1/22/2019

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her — “Hello” “How are you! We’ve been waiting for ...


1 Comments, 39 Views, 20 Votes ,3.64 Score
mrryan74 45 M
5  Articles
BBQ time   12/26/2018

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"


5 Comments, 222 Views, 22 Votes ,5.77 Score
mrryan74 45 M
5  Articles
wife joke   12/26/2018

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't ...


14 Comments, 447 Views, 40 Votes ,6.83 Score
LongerDongSilvrs 32 M
1  Article
asdfkfsdk;fa;   12/12/2018

lmdfgagf


1 Comments, 46 Views, 42 Votes ,2.70 Score
MrInkyArms 43 M
2  Articles
In a perfect world   12/12/2018

Orgies!


2 Comments, 40 Views, 32 Votes ,2.02 Score
shaggy19563 63 M
1  Article
WOW won't believe this.   12/7/2018

Well I was married to a redheaded German, Irish, Indian gal for over ten years. If I could write a book about those years not sure how to put the book on the stands. Fact, fiction, or your not going to believe this shit. The sex life I really miss but if your old enough to remember the 16 ounce Pepsi glass bottles that came in 8 packs I think she could hit a fly off a fence post at about 50 yards ...


2 Comments, 102 Views, 58 Votes ,3.04 Score
slicmike 31 M
1  Article
AWKWARD SITUATION   10/26/2018

I was with my chick at a bar when we met up with her ex husband's friend with his chick. I said hello to him and he said, 'Hey, ya gotta big dick?" I laughed at first and sat down. <br><br> He was one of those egotistical dudes that think there on top of the world because he has tattoos, motorcycle, and a good paying job. He looked like Ray Liotta from ...


5 Comments, 109 Views, 25 Votes ,3.68 Score
Hangry33 49 M
2  Articles
How many dick pics should i post   8/30/2018

What is the ratio regular pics to dic picks that I should have ... like 3 regular pics to 1 dic pic or 3 dic pics to one regular pic <br><br> Also should I use my own dic ? Or a random dic on the internet ? Or a celebrity dic ? <br><br> Just trying to get it right !


3 Comments, 63 Views, 37 Votes ,3.66 Score
SparePrickBH 57 M
6  Articles
My friend's antics with crab potion   8/28/2018

This is an old tale but still makes me laugh when I'm reminded of it. <br><br> We were in our 20's and enjoying life as young lads do, including one drunken weekend of partying which included sharing a girl who kindly thanked us with a dose of crabs. <br><br> Apparently, he knew his previous landlady had a bottle of the cure and I drove him over to collect it. ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 47 Votes ,4.22 Score
stevong 41 M
3  Articles
Wolf of Pig   5/7/2018

[image1] The Three Little Pigs Once upon a time there were three little pigs. When they grew up, they left their parents to live their first winter by themselves. Autumn came and it began raining. The three little pigs started to feel they needed a real house to live in. They talked about how to build a house and prepare for the coming winter, but each decided ...


3 Comments, 72 Views, 20 Votes ,4.02 Score
Mr.Slimntrim 64 M
1  Article
Masturbation   5/4/2018

I am 6'3" 190lbs and fit. I had come out of the shower into the bedroom, and was drying off as useual, started rubbing my body down with cocobutter also as useual, but when I started rubbing cocobutter on my penis it felt so good that I could'nt stop. I contenued to rub my cock until it grew to it's full 7 1/2 inches by then I could feel the blood serging through my body as my cock began to ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 265 Votes ,5.73 Score
rm_bigticket51 44 M
6  Articles
my most embarrassing sexual moment   5/4/2018

When I was engaged to my exwife I was a member of a men's pool league that played other local bars. Well we played this on place called the Dutch Cellar and I shot the best match I ever shot in my life. Well all my buddies started buying me beer and shots. I drank about 13 beers and 4 shots in two hours. <br> Well I shouldn't have DROVE home but I did. I thought she would be in ...


0 Comments, 108 Views, 287 Votes ,7.26 Score
I am 52 years Bengali from kolkata do job a very simple man looking for a real friend if u like call   5/4/2018

I am 52 years Bengali from kolkata do job a very simple man looking for a real friend if u like call me 9734 eight 52353I am 52 years Bengali from kolkata do job a very simple man looking for a real friend if u like call me 9734 eight 52353I am 52 years Bengali from kolkata do job a very simple man looking for a real friend if u like call me 9734 eight 52353I am 52 years Bengali from kolkata ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 40 Votes ,1.32 Score
wickedcat2006 44 F
145  Articles‚ Score 3.2
the vagina!!!   2/19/2018

The best engine in the world is the Vagina. It can be started with one finger, It is self lubricating, It takes any size piston, And it changes it's own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental.....


6 Comments, 120 Views, 41 Votes ,7.16 Score
;-)   2/12/2018

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't ...


3 Comments, 159 Views, 25 Votes ,4.79 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
Drunk   2/12/2018

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town! Great Pussy!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the younger dude ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the old drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and ...


4 Comments, 128 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
Magdalena69n 40 F
1  Article
Love Line   1/4/2018

Love line with Adam needs to come back so bad...guys you need to listen.


5 Comments, 68 Views, 38 Votes ,2.49 Score
MsCarlalee 56 T
9  Articles
who can you trust   12/1/2017

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under ...


6 Comments, 268 Views, 25 Votes ,6.12 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
The good husband !   11/6/2017

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to ...


7 Comments, 297 Views, 52 Votes ,4.72 Score
Me enamora ...   10/26/2017

Me enamora la gente que dice lo que piensa y que realmente piensa lo que dice <br><br> . Que no es fácil. La que defiende sus ideas y sus emociones, porque suyas y sinceras. <br><br> Pero sin imponerlas a los demás, sin juzgar a quien piensa diferente <br><br> y sin compararse con quien no las comparte.


2 Comments, 21 Views, 18 Votes ,2.99 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Make her scream...   6/16/2017

Hey guys... I figured out how you can make your girlfriend or wife or whatever scream during sex.. It's super easy and it works every time... All ya gotta do.. While you are having sex take your phone... and call your girl and tell her about it...


5 Comments, 112 Views, 17 Votes ,4.68 Score
Porn Is a Crucial Part of My Relationship   5/25/2017

I love porn. I'm not embarrassed to say it. I'm not picky about where I watch it. Sometimes I watch it in bed while my boyfriend's at home. Other times I watch it on our couch when I need a break from my three jobs and he is still at work. And my taste runs the gamut, though I tend to veer towards watching public sex and threesomes.

Oh, and maybe you caught this: I have a boyfriend. ...


1 Comments, 69 Views, 17 Votes ,4.12 Score
autopalm77 46 M
7  Articles
Haaaaachu....!!!!   4/20/2017

A woman constantly keeps sneezing and goes to see the doctor. She tells him, "Doctor, I constantly keep sneezing, and every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The doctor asks, "What are you doing for it?" The woman replies, "Sniffing pepper."


6 Comments, 88 Views, 27 Votes ,4.82 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Lessor of two evils   3/28/2017

"So let me get this straight, " the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct, " says the defendant. "At which time, " continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her." "That's correct, " says the defendant. "Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and the man ...


1 Comments, 220 Views, 23 Votes ,5.23 Score
BBCheadlover 49 M
2  Articles
false advertisment   3/28/2017

so awhile back i met a lady on Asian Sexfriendfinder.com and what caught my attention was that she said she loved to work out, but more importantly (at least for me lol) she loved giving head. so after a few weeks of getting to know each other, we were chatting one friday night. she had a date that was running late or maybe just blowing her off. i was home bored and jokely said if you need some replacement dick, i'm ...


5 Comments, 226 Views, 21 Votes ,4.12 Score
rm_goodsxwithu 53 C
10  Articles
Funny   3/28/2017

Have you ever gotten rug burns from having sex on a carpet? There's nothing funny about it the next morning.


14 Comments, 130 Views, 28 Votes ,5.19 Score
dh1313h 35 M
3  Articles
For Fun   3/28/2017

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she ...


3 Comments, 243 Views, 20 Votes ,4.53 Score
Otis_Good 66 M
17  Articles‚ Score 2.9
Listen up   3/28/2017

I was talking to my ex one day after sex and asked who is the best lover you ever had ? I was feeling pretty sure she was going to say me after the fancy fuck I just gave her but no . Yap yap yap she went on and on . I kind of stoped listening until I heard . And in the shower Rose said you might as well wash my back and ass a deal is a deal . What ? What deal ? I asked . Rose my second roommate ...


1 Comments, 298 Views, 15 Votes ,2.52 Score
wickedcat2006 44 F
145  Articles‚ Score 3.2
gossipers!!!   3/28/2017

Mildred, the church gossiper and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new member, Henry, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of ...


4 Comments, 241 Views, 39 Votes ,6.82 Score
Satyr48 70 M
8  Articles
Karma   3/28/2017

Two former female neighbors met in the Afterlife, after both suffering untimely deaths. Being surprised to see each other, they asked how they me their fates. One woman said she froze to death. "Oh, my goodness!" the other replied, "that's terrible" "Well; not SO bad" the other replied, "After a while the cold went away, and I drifted off into a warm sleep" The second woman said she died of a ...


1 Comments, 234 Views, 26 Votes ,5.40 Score
luv2liku698 58 M
1  Article
Tires made of pussy   3/28/2017

We were having a discussion at the bar one afternoon. This girl said, "If tires were made of pussy they would never wear out!". I told her that it wouldn't work. The whole world would then smell like fish!!


2 Comments, 55 Views, 16 Votes ,3.27 Score
rm_hotbtweenlgs 64 C
24  Articles
Doing the laundry   3/14/2017

When our were little (2&4) we would say "doing the laundry" as another phrase for having sex. One day we were having a small dispute which left me upset. I went & set down on the couch as my 4 yr old came up to me to ask what was wrong. I did not want her to know we were fighting so I told her that daddy & I were talking about doing the laundry, however our washing machine had quit ...


1 Comments, 823 Views, 66 Votes ,7.19 Score
rm_SweetMonteSS 51 C
5  Articles
The nite our found our handcuffs...lol   3/14/2017

The and I had gone to my moms for a couple of weeks in the summer for a mini vaction...well when we got back my hubby missed me so much he decided tonite he was gonna handcuff me to the bed and make up for the last 2weeks...In the morning we all got up...my hubby and I were getting ready for work when my oldest (8 at the time) came in the bathroom and said "mommy, why are there handcuffs ...


1 Comments, 909 Views, 27 Votes ,4.71 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Always use condoms?   3/4/2017

Many will say YES! Let me state my case: 1st I was with the same partner for over 20 yr.s before she passed away. Last full physical showed No STDs & a sperm count so low, as to not exist. 2nd I have a reaction to latex [Rash] & little or no sensation. So, I ask if she can prove she is disease free - which I feel is being honest- and that for reasons stated I don't use condoms. Mostly, I get ...


2 Comments, 46 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the Farmer and His Wife   2/21/2017

A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her grabs her tits and says "Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow". Then he grabs her pussy and says "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens". She turns to him smiles, grabs his dick and says "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother


2 Comments, 220 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
nicelifej 33 M
3  Articles
.zdfgjkldfklhb   1/16/2017

respect is the most important value in the relationship


1 Comments, 14 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
sexxxcrzd 32 C
9  Articles
Look how sexy my wife is...   12/15/2016

...That is all.

-Sexxxcrzd(m)


11 Comments, 174 Views, 26 Votes ,5.61 Score
BrightBlueEyes80 35 M
5  Articles
Why do people always say things that arent?   9/2/2016

Why do girls always say they dont want anything serious, then all of a sudden they want something serious? Why not just be straight up?


3 Comments, 37 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Always use condoms?   8/6/2016

Many will say YES! Let me state my case: 1st I was with the same partner for over 20 yr.s before she passed away. Last full physical showed No STDs & a sperm count so low, as to not exist. 2nd I have a reaction to latex [Rash] & little or no sensation. So, I ask if she can prove she is disease free - which I feel is being honest- and that for reasons stated I don't use condoms. Mostly, I get ...


2 Comments, 87 Views, 8 Votes ,1.86 Score
wittyhumor 41 M
37  Articles
The Fickle Times We Live In.....   7/17/2016

"Nevermind what's being said to you! Then maybe you could learn to fuck better!"

That's what I said to her as I came in her mouth after, a less than par blowjob.....

"Didn't you learn anything from those porn flicks that you keep in your closet?!!"

I had asked her that before, and she hates it every time. She then says to me, that, she thought I loved her, and she ...


3 Comments, 92 Views, 12 Votes ,0.68 Score
1HORNYOLDBUGGER2 54 M
3  Articles
Having sex with The King! Thank you.. Thank you very much...   4/8/2016

I have always found ways to make a girl bust up laughing; while we have sex.. Creative singing is one them.. I have a knack for turning something innocent; into something naughty..... For instance.. I heard an Elvis song while driving to a date. Latter when we were ready for a romp, I sang my dirty version. It went like this: Are you lonesome tonight?... ...


2 Comments, 94 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
rm_Nikkicandie1 26 C
0  Articles
its funny now not s much then   12/6/2015

nikki an myself was in bed and she says she has to pee.okay I thought get up and go like any sane person would do.well she for some reason got the idea to act like she was a and omg she pissed on me!!and I don't mean just a lil I mean straight full blast peed lol then says she was marking what belongs to her lol I couldn't be mad after that bc it was so funny and sweet at the same time yet she ...


5 Comments, 98 Views, 21 Votes ,2.14 Score
thislustfulmind 41 M
28  Articles
Fun Facts about the Great Vagina   11/19/2015

Fun Facts about the Great Vagina


5 Comments, 260 Views, 26 Votes ,7.02 Score
SingleNFree31 45 M
10  Articles
Romantic   11/19/2015

"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing...Watch you smile while you're sleeping..." Aerosmith = Romantic Me = Restraining Order


2 Comments, 44 Views, 10 Votes ,2.59 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
ANOTHER POEM FOR THE MAG -= SAD, FUNNY & LAME   10/29/2015

LAMO

We met in a chat room General conversation Things get hot & heavy She is coming over for sex. ‘Can’t see you till after work Be there by 8 AM my dear.’

She had sent a photo From the neck to her waist To whet my appetite I guess She was lovely, bare big breasted.

Troubled sleep – toss & turn Big Yoda is throbbing My mind is in a whirl Putting a face & name ...


2 Comments, 75 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Lost_Cause_69 51 M
6  Articles
Hard Liquor...   9/1/2015

Two female co-workers are chatting it up, and they are discussing the boyfriends they’ve had in the last year. One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I’ve had, I’ve named after soda pops. The first one i called 7up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up. The second one i called mountain dew, because when it came to mounting he knew what to do. The third i called Jack Daniels." ...


4 Comments, 276 Views, 24 Votes ,6.65 Score
MsCarlalee 56 T
9  Articles
The Successful    8/3/2015

Four men went golfing one day. Three of them went to the 1st tee while the other went to to the club house to pay the bill. The three men started bragging on their sons. The first man said "My is a successful home builder. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free. The second man said "My is such a good car salesman that he know owns a multi-line dealership. And because ...


4 Comments, 227 Views, 17 Votes ,5.67 Score
HBandito 49 M
3  Articles
She's a spitter!!!   3/26/2015

One day me and a couple of girls I used to work with were sitting in a training area at work. This place was towards the far back of the building so it got little traffic and only two trainers were assigned to the area. The main trainer was gone for awhile so the other a good friend of mine was the other. The other woman was ten years older then us but liked hanging out with us because we partied ...


2 Comments, 335 Views, 24 Votes ,4.27 Score
maximil_power 33 M
1  Article
A Realization After Sex   3/22/2015

So the encounter began as hot and passionate as ever! She started unbuttoning my shirt, but had to raise her arms so I could throw HER shirt off! She must have thought, forget the buttons, and tried to pull mine over my head too!

We were tearing each other's clothes off like they were on fire!

She went for my belt, I went for her bra, and after struggling like I was trying to ...


3 Comments, 230 Views, 18 Votes ,3.26 Score
prettyinpink838 35 C
6  Articles
Going   3/15/2015

Funny how the longer you know someone the more you get use to seeing them going to the bathroom and how little it matters.


9 Comments, 126 Views, 24 Votes ,6.20 Score
rm_3xthefun99 32 C
4  Articles
Humor   2/24/2015

We think it's really funny how many guys want us to watch them jerk off on cam. Do they really think that's what people on here want to see? Oh and just an added note for those of you that think a woman is watching you on all those couple profiles. It isn't.


8 Comments, 89 Views, 18 Votes ,4.49 Score
Kycre8iveman 56 M
0  Articles
My Date From Hell!   2/18/2015

Written by: KyCre8iveGuy

NOW THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ, MAY SEEM TOTALLY WEIRD AND COMPLETELY CRAZY…BUT HAND OVER MY HEART…IT’S THE COMPLETE TRUTH!!

I met a young lady on a Transgendered website. She was 35-years-old, had long blonde, beautiful hair and the face and body of a Goddess. We chatted for a while on the website and through personal emails. Eventually, we ...


7 Comments, 297 Views, 39 Votes ,4.62 Score
nosinglemenever 28 F
3  Articles
Funny?   2/7/2015

If you write me and ask to fuck, suck or perform any other sex act with you before we've had a chance to chat first then I'll know you're just being funny.


4 Comments, 106 Views, 25 Votes ,6.56 Score
kimdan4fun 36 C
10  Articles
Testimonials   12/17/2014

If you get one do you always allow it to show up on your profile or do you sometimes hide them?


4 Comments, 67 Views, 14 Votes ,3.30 Score
Memorable moments   10/28/2014

Do you have anything happen that was so funny you will never forget that moment?


1 Comments, 40 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
sadako2l 38 F
4  Articles
Lesbian joke #69   9/24/2014

What do you call a can of tuna on a lesbian's coffee table?



Potpourri


1 Comments, 85 Views, 18 Votes ,3.40 Score
GGnCerb 51 C
1  Article
Joke...   9/23/2014

How do you know you just had a good blow job?

- When she gives you a blow job she sucks the sheets up your ass.

Now how do you know the woman that just gave you that blow job is a good girl?

- She pulls the sheets back out for you.


4 Comments, 88 Views, 25 Votes ,3.91 Score
Lost_Cause_69 51 M
6  Articles
Lunch would be ready......   9/15/2014

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?" Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a ...


2 Comments, 245 Views, 21 Votes ,6.84 Score
Lost_Cause_69 51 M
6  Articles
Three kinds of each...   9/6/2014

A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, , a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry." This ...


3 Comments, 157 Views, 20 Votes ,4.91 Score
Islandman209 47 M
6  Articles
WHAT MEN WOULD DO IF THEY HAD A VAGINA FOR A DAY   9/4/2014

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing ...


2 Comments, 63 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
SIR   8/27/2014



A


1 Comments, 59 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
thislustfulmind 41 M
28  Articles
Interesting facts about the Penis   8/20/2014

Interesting facts about the Penis


4 Comments, 176 Views, 23 Votes ,7.45 Score
rm_rituraj510 28 M
12  Articles
Getting rid of Ex   7/30/2014

An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there’s a lamp. He picks it up, and as he starts to rub the dirt off of it, a genie comes out of the lamp and says, “I want to know the person you hate the most.” The explorer says, “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. Why?” “I am a cursed genie. I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish ...


2 Comments, 284 Views, 17 Votes ,5.39 Score
vazzaam1 37 M
7  Articles
bar joke   7/19/2014

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest is gay, too!"

On ...


7 Comments, 342 Views, 24 Votes ,6.65 Score
Islandman209 47 M
6  Articles
what women would do if they had a penis for a day   6/19/2014

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public ...


3 Comments, 87 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
Islandman209 47 M
6  Articles
25 Secrets Girls Have To Know About Guys   5/24/2014

. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual ...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
annie444u 52 C
135  Articles
What Annie didn't tell you..............   5/3/2014

....was that before she rolled the damn can of Crème of Mushroom soup perfectly under my right foot was:

1. the fact that we have wood floors and they had just been polished.

2. I was wearing socks, not shoes at the time of impact.

3. She had just opened the cupboard above me slamming me in the head with the bottom corner of the oak cabinet

4. That ...


3 Comments, 100 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
LTSwing69 51 C
2  Articles
Greener Grass   5/3/2014

Being that my husband was born and raised his whole life here in this small County He is pretty well known and knows most other locals that have been born and raised here. Its safe to say that when we meet new people If its through a mutual friend , they have already been pre warned or pre schooled that we are freaks. They don't know what to expect and though they all at one time or another ...


3 Comments, 282 Views, 15 Votes ,3.28 Score
OneMikeHancho 37 M
2  Articles
Say it isn't so!   4/26/2014

A hysterical woman came into the ER. She'd just had a fight with her boyfriend while sitting in his parked car. She said she had gotten so mad at him that she pulled the key out of the ignition and put it in her vagina so he couldn't drive home! Now she couldn't locate the key to get it out. I couldn't find it either, so we concluded that it must have fallen out ...


3 Comments, 363 Views, 13 Votes ,2.81 Score
LIKESTOLICKMOORE 46 M
23  Articles
If You Use Handcuffs, Always Keep a Spare Key Handy   4/20/2014

I've even got a better idea, make sure you have one key on a string, around your wrist before you play, and have a spare on your key ring.

The reason? My two best friends, Ted and Bobbi and I play around quite a bit. Sometimes I go to their house for MFM threesome, sometimes they come over to my house to have a mfmf party with Debbie and me.

And sometimes, Ted and Bobbi just get ...


1 Comments, 172 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
solidsingh2 29 M
6  Articles
SPECIAL YESTERDAY BUT UNWANTED TODAY   4/17/2014

DO U KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST.........?

ITS WHEN SOMEONE MADE U FEEL VERY VERY SPECIAL YESTERDAY....................................................................................................................................................BUT....................................................................................MADE U FEEL THAT U R THE MOST UNWANTED PERSON TODAY.....!! ...


1 Comments, 58 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
rm_rituraj510 28 M
12  Articles
how are people born?   4/4/2014

A asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about ...


3 Comments, 171 Views, 11 Votes ,4.85 Score
rm_MrBritania 38 M
1  Article
Amazing   2/27/2014

Is this all you need to do to get free points?


1 Comments, 63 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Badtrev 39 M
9  Articles
On being discreet...   2/22/2014

I cannot speak for everyone, but in the case of my wife and I discretion is an absolute non-negotiable must. Her work is sensitive to anything that may be conveyed as "alternative" and my work is very publicly oriented where I talk to hundreds of different people a week. On top of that we're also involved in the community and have a lot of friends who might not be ready to understand. So we ...


2 Comments, 161 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
bostonguy27yo 32 M
1  Article
Ever Fart by accident while getting blowjob?   2/18/2014

haha


1 Comments, 64 Views, 6 Votes ,1.37 Score
annie444u 52 C
135  Articles
Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen Ruin the Meal (er, uh, ruin one's head)   2/10/2014

My husband Danny is an excellent chef. If it can be grilled, he can grille it like no one's ever grilled meat before. If it can be broiled, he can broil it to perfection. He can bake, fry, you name it.

However, sometimes we'll have guests coming over for a big dinner and he needs help in the kitchen....that's where I come in...or at least I used to.

He gave me a list of ...


4 Comments, 156 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
hysteroyster 33 F
2  Articles
Foodie   2/1/2014

Urban Dictionary defines foodie as: a douchebag who likes food; though the terms "gastronome" and "epicure" define the same thing.

I don't remember being an asshole due to my foodism, I have however perceived others as such when my desire for certain foods or eateries were denied.

...which I guess does indeed make me a douchebag.

But who could resist the succulent steak ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
XG35 50 M
4  Articles
Bra Sizes   1/19/2014

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the Letters used to define bra sizes? But couldn't figure out what the letters stood for. Well its time you became informed! (A) Almost tits. ( Barely there. (C) Can't Complain! (D) Damn! (DD) Double Damn! (E) Enormous! (F) Fake. (G) Get a Reduction. (H )Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!




7 Comments, 513 Views, 36 Votes ,4.45 Score
OneMikeHancho 37 M
2  Articles
Maybe you?   1/16/2014

"One night, a gurney rolled in carrying a woman in black lingerie-who happened to be straddling a naked man. They told us that they had been doing a lot of drugs and having wild sex when the woman's vagina cramped up and the guy couldn't pull out. The doctor on duty gave her muscle relaxants, and after several minutes, they were able to separate. Then they were promptly ...


2 Comments, 323 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
annie444u 52 C
135  Articles
I want to know why the sexually frustrated, sexually depraved women go for my Danny   1/4/2014

Are there any other guys out there that get hit on by divorced, sexually depraved, sexually frustrated women like my Danny does.

I swear the boy must have the record for banging girls that are divorced and who haven't had sex with anyone since they split with their husbands.

Danny can relate story after story to me about how these women, many of them cougars, seduce him and, ...


2 Comments, 354 Views, 22 Votes ,3.49 Score
TomRakewell 31 M
10  Articles
Flakes.   12/1/2013

Tell your funniest flake story!


0 Comments, 55 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
jaipurcouple1979 41 C
3  Articles
Glitter and Sparkles   10/1/2013



I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any ...



3 Comments, 278 Views, 15 Votes ,5.73 Score
jaipurcouple1979 41 C
3  Articles
Glitter and Sparkles   10/1/2013



I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any ...



2 Comments, 99 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Funny only now, many years later   9/27/2013

I'm in college and pick out this good looking freshman during orientation.

That night I'm munching away on a her and suddenly get a string in my mouth.

Yep, you guessed it.

So I stop, grab a quick, long swig from the beer bottle and ask her if she's on the the rag.

Comes out no boyfriend had ever eating her before and she didn't realize there was anything ...


4 Comments, 273 Views, 12 Votes ,3.51 Score
annie444u 52 C
135  Articles
Using One Friend to Make Another Girl Jealous, I Instead Made Them Into Lovers   8/1/2013

Sometimes our best ideas become our worst nightmares.....

Sometimes what seems like a good idea one minute comes back to bite us in the ass the very next second.

By using Diane, my best bi-sexual friend and lover to get Katie jealous, I instead turned them into lovers.

Katie never really left Earl, she remained married to him for years, but Katie made love to Diane ...


1 Comments, 269 Views, 20 Votes ,4.66 Score
dnafun11 45 C
15  Articles
Who knew...   5/20/2013

When we got active in swinging we knew that there could be some drama involved. We do a pretty good job of avoiding it.

We expected it to come from the ladies. I mean speaking as a lady myself, I know that more than a few of the fairer sex seem to need a certain level of drama. And lets face facts we have all seen the couples where she swings to keep her man happy but is not really into ...


1 Comments, 303 Views, 17 Votes ,3.27 Score
c6love 32 M
26  Articles
humor   4/15/2013

so has anyone been farted on during sex. not a sex fart but an actual fart. it has happened to me numerous times. i almost burst out in laughter each time. is this normal for girls to fart during sex


9 Comments, 130 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Ababix3 32 M
8  Articles
Saving someone's picture as a screensaver   2/14/2013

If someone you've only known for a few months saves your picture as their desktop background, is that funny or downright creepy?


1 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Infidelity Discovered   10/25/2012

A man was having an affair with another woman and his wife found out about it, so she told him "If you don't end it now I'm gonna go downtown to the post office where you work and tell everyone I see that you're a no good cheating filthy bum."

The husband replied "You're gonna go downtown to the post office where I work and tell everyone you see that I'm a no good cheating filthy bum?" ...


3 Comments, 442 Views, 19 Votes ,2.46 Score
kinkycplincanon 48 C
5  Articles
her,or so she says   10/3/2012

watching wife having her first girl/girl 69 in the back of our Subaru wagon . Let me set the story:i had hooked up my buddy with this girl who was staying with shannon and i.a mutual friend brought her over, asking if she could stay a few weeks. she was a tall redhead , kinda thick (in a good way)green eyes big full lips , sexy as hell and was very open about her bi-sexuality a true ...


6 Comments, 570 Views, 39 Votes ,4.62 Score
rm_sexspice40 49 F
6  Articles
april fool   9/14/2012

you walk into a room and find your lover and your best friend under the sheets both naked. when they see you, they both scream april fool. you look at the calender and realise its april 1st. what would you do.


4 Comments, 371 Views, 15 Votes ,3.28 Score
nobody328 26 M
23  Articles
IMPORTANT   8/22/2012

HUMOR IN RELATIONSHIP IS IMPORTANT AND ADVISABLE


3 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the birthday present   7/14/2012

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note - romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
LOL(this was cute)   7/12/2012

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.

They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us ...


1 Comments, 114 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
LOL....at the end of his rope.........   7/11/2012

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.

After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.

The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?"

The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
every saturday morning....   7/11/2012

Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, sometimes 36 holes.

Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.

Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; torrential downpour.

There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the ...


1 Comments, 109 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
needy?   6/6/2012

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.


2 Comments, 51 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a quote from oscar wilde   6/6/2012

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Oscar Wilde


2 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
final answer   6/6/2012

A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."

The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes."

...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."


2 Comments, 117 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
30 years of marriage   6/6/2012

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving ...


2 Comments, 129 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the story of john smith...   6/6/2012

A woman dies, and when she gets to heaven she asks Saint Peter, "Would it be possible for me to get together with my dear departed husband? He died many years ago." Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?" "John Smith, " replies the woman.

"Gee, " says Saint Peter, "we've got a lot of John Smiths up here. But sometimes we can identify people by their last words. Do you happen to remember ...


2 Comments, 135 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the chairman of the board   6/6/2012

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."


3 Comments, 135 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the hen pecked hillbilly   6/6/2012

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a ...


2 Comments, 156 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a womans touch   6/6/2012

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have a bigger dick than all of your friends."


3 Comments, 188 Views, 10 Votes ,5.58 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
big johnnie   6/6/2012

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in ...


2 Comments, 180 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
gun shopping   6/6/2012

A woman walks into a sporting-goods store and asks the salesman if he could help her pick out a rifle. Its for my husband, she explains.

Did he tell you what caliber to get? asks the salesman.

Are you kidding? He doesnt even know Im gonna shoot him.


2 Comments, 110 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
big vacation   6/6/2012

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so. One day they came up with an idea--each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank.

They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their ...


2 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
in the beginning....   6/6/2012

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.

"Lord, I have a problem!"

"What’s the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to ...


2 Comments, 117 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the earring   6/6/2012

Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Joe, is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

"Hey Joe, " he yells out, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal out of it. It's only an earring." Says Joe sheepishly.

"No ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
halloween   6/6/2012

this couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed.

Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting ...


2 Comments, 181 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the card game   6/6/2012

Boudreau, Thibodeau, Pierre, Trusclair, and Old Man John were playing cards in the back room at Pierre’s Bar. Suddenly Old Man John grabbed his chest, groaned, and fell over dead.

Everybody was upset but nobody wanted to be the one to tell John’s wife Jean... Finally Boudreau accepted the task.

“You gotta break it to her gently. We don’t want Miss Jean to think we had ...


2 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
senior citizen romance   6/6/2012

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you use to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached ...


1 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
newlywed farm couple   6/6/2012

A young farmer is newly married and the couple can't get enough of it. Just before leaving the house for the fields at down, they tear off a piece, and when he returns home at evening they have another go, before and after supper, and maybe a couple more during the night. The problem is during the day: the fields are a long way from the house, and the young man loses so much time traveling home ...


1 Comments, 130 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the funeral service   6/6/2012

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
The Hammer   6/6/2012

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard." The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You God-damned bastard." The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the ...


1 Comments, 147 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the state trooper   6/6/2012

An 85-year old husband and wife decide to take a road trip. She drives because she can see and he rides because he can hear.

After traveling for a while, they get pulled over by a State Trooper. She rolls down her window and the cop says "I need to see your drivers license and vehicle registration please." The woman turns to her husband and shouts "WHAT DID HE SAY?" The husband replies, ...


2 Comments, 162 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
mzphatphat 28 F
6  Articles
well get this   6/6/2012

ok well me and a "friend" waz you know doing the dam thing when he went down on me and boy was it feeling good till he stoped and said as he grabed my lips and said im the pussy monster and i have come to invade the town of penis! got to love him!


3 Comments, 184 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Larry asnd Susan   6/6/2012

The barn at Larry and Susan's farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company. Susan: "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." Agent: "Wait just a minute, Susan... it doesn't work quite like that. We will determine the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." Susan, after a pause: "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband"


1 Comments, 166 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Tom and Linda   6/6/2012

Tom was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.

He turned to his wife Linda, with a look of question on his face.

"I'll never understand why the biggest shmucks get the ...


1 Comments, 111 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Who Makes the Coffee   6/6/2012

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You're in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that's your job. I can just wait for my coffee."

The wife replied, "No ...


1 Comments, 131 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the Maple Leaf   6/6/2012

After being escorted to the witness box and sworn in, the little old man was asked by the lawyer to explain what had happened. He described the events that led up to the incident and finally got to the main issue of the case, saying, "..and that's when she hit me with a maple leaf!"

"Surely that couldn't have inflicted any serious injury on you, sir, " the lawyer said.

"Are you ...


1 Comments, 116 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
New Years Eve Party   6/6/2012

Trevor's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving. During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the drinks were, in the kitchen. He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. 'You know, ' he confided to Trevor, 'I wasn't even ...


2 Comments, 133 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
New Years Eve Dream   6/6/2012

Janice was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'

'Aha, you'll know tonight, ' answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Janice and handed her small ...


1 Comments, 132 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
marriage proposal   6/6/2012

When asked if there was anything they would have changed about one of the most romantic moments of their lives, several women said a 'bigger diamond!'

54% of men still get down on one knee. 44% of men ask their partner's father for permission to marry. 57% of men cry when she said yes. 65% of women say he could have put more effort and preparation into the proposal. 25% of couples wait ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
show me the money   6/6/2012

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't be on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
at dinner   6/6/2012

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining ...


1 Comments, 139 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the beer drinker   6/6/2012

A man walks in the door after a day at the office to find his wife crying at the kitchen table. Whats wrong? he asks.

I went to the store today, and a horrible man looked up my skirt. He said, ˜Id like to fill that with beer and drink it, she sobs. I wish youd been there to kick his ass.

Listen, honey, Ive repeatedly told you to wear panties every day,  replies the husband. ...


2 Comments, 186 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the sex talk   6/6/2012

In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time.

At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided ...


1 Comments, 152 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the bank hostages   6/6/2012

This guy robs a bank and takes hostages.

He asks one of the hostage, "Did you see me rob the bank?"

The hostage answers, "Yes."

The crook, promptly shoots him.

Then he asks the another hostage the same question, "Did you see me rob the bank?"

The hostage answers, "No, but my wife over there did."


1 Comments, 125 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Pizza Pizza   6/6/2012

My wife, on her way home, picked up a $5 pizza for dinner. As we are eating it she fell on the floor and started having convulsions. I grabbed and fumbled with the phone as I called the 911 dispatch. As I knelt and attended to her the paramedic unit arrived and started checking her out. They told me not to be worried and that everything would be fine. She was just having "Little Seizures."


1 Comments, 171 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
dont do it !   6/6/2012

A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do ...


1 Comments, 175 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the in-laws   6/6/2012

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep, " the wife replied, "in-laws."


2 Comments, 172 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the Bus Ride   6/6/2012

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.


1 Comments, 140 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the Portrait   6/6/2012

Mrs. Johnson decided to have her own portrait painted by a very famous artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with 3-carat diamond earrings, a large diamond necklace, glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful red ruby pendant." "But ma'am, you are not wearing any of those things." "I know, " said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is not good, and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When ...


2 Comments, 122 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
reincarnation   6/6/2012

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”. ...


1 Comments, 151 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
His and Her Diary   6/6/2012

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him ...


3 Comments, 179 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Sexual Desire Enhancement   6/6/2012

Doc, you've gotta help me... my wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?" "Look, I can't prescribe..." "Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to Hell! You've got to help me." The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of ...


3 Comments, 180 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Abstinance   6/6/2012

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple was newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it ...


1 Comments, 172 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Mrs. Boudreaux   6/6/2012

One night, a torrential rain soaked Southern Louisiana; the next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there.

Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs.Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house.

Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back ...


3 Comments, 181 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Off to Hawaii   6/6/2012

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so. One day they came up with an idea--each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank.

They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their ...


1 Comments, 144 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Just Try to be Strong   6/6/2012

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an ...


2 Comments, 224 Views, 12 Votes ,5.63 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Free Tattoo   6/6/2012

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill on his dick. Well the tattoo artist laughs and says "I'll do it for free if you can give me one good reason for it."

The guy thinks for a second and says. "Well one, I like to keep my money in my pants, two I like to watch my money grow, and three I want to see how fast my wife can blow a $100.


1 Comments, 201 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the King   6/6/2012

The king was waving to his loyal subjects from the steps of the palace when he spotted a beggar in the crowd who looked, beneath the dirt and rags, amazingly like his royal self. He had a guard bring the beggar to him and the crowd was likewise struck by the remarkable resemblance. The king was amused, for he knew that the king before him had a well-deserved reputation as a ladies' man, as did he ...


1 Comments, 171 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Magic Frog   6/6/2012

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will ...


3 Comments, 239 Views, 9 Votes ,5.56 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
The Garden of Eden   6/6/2012

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of ...


4 Comments, 274 Views, 12 Votes ,3.33 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Women   6/6/2012

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. --Charlotte Whitton

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. --Lenny Bruce

I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine. --Mel ...


1 Comments, 154 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Noble King Arthur   6/6/2012

King Arthur

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to ...


2 Comments, 289 Views, 12 Votes ,6.16 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Like a Tiger   6/6/2012

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That’s no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I’ve been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger ...


1 Comments, 384 Views, 11 Votes ,3.35 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
The Old Farmer   6/6/2012

The old farmer sat rocking on the front porch as he talked to the stranger. "Been thirty years since I lost my wife in these woods."

"Oh, I’m sorry, " the stranger said, "It must have been hard to lose your wife like that."

"Hard?" the farmer snorted, "Was damn near impossible! She knew those woods like the back of her hand!"


1 Comments, 381 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the Big Game Hunter   6/6/2012

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and none could dispute that. But then he said they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal’s skin from it’s feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber bullet it was that killed the animal.

The hunter said ...


1 Comments, 259 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Piece of Cake   6/6/2012

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'm gonna go play in my room for a couple of hours. I sure would like a piece of cake after though!

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Wow!, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in ...


1 Comments, 298 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Sex at Seven   6/5/2012

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking redheaded lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you ...


1 Comments, 256 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Two Friends   6/4/2012

Two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.

She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again...for no reason."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What’s the big deal, don’t you like getting flowers?"

The brunette says, "Oh ...


2 Comments, 315 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Ed the Chicken !   6/4/2012

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'

Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a ...


4 Comments, 372 Views, 16 Votes ,3.42 Score
milf_4yngstuds 45 F
2  Articles
10 quirky facts about kissing   5/31/2012

Think you know a thing or two about kissing? You probably do. But the facts below are so off the beaten path, we’ll bet you don’t know them all–and they could come in handy. Not only could they provide some steamy “Did you know…?” chit chat, but they’ll help you see all the benefits a satisfying lip lock can bring into your life. Happy smooching! ...


8 Comments, 311 Views, 19 Votes ,3.39 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
New Panties !   5/6/2012

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in order to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs enough times till her husband says, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

"Y-e-e-s-s-s, " she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God for ...


4 Comments, 146 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
southernman5051 57 M
6  Articles
Starting a fight   4/23/2012

A wife and her husband were watching "Who wants to be a millionaire"while they were in bed.Husband turns to the wife and said Do you want to have sex?"NO" she answered.He then turns and ask, Is that your final answer? THis time without even looking at him simply reply "YES" So then husband turns and said ok I like to phone a friend" THen the fight started.


1 Comments, 417 Views, 17 Votes ,2.42 Score
lis728117 34 F
2  Articles
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS   4/20/2012

Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


1 Comments, 116 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
Dirty_Pinguin 32 M
3  Articles
Humor and Attraction : who likes jokers ??   2/26/2012

Have you heard the one about the relationship scientist who walks into a bar with a journal under one arm and a duck under the other? Never mind...it wasn’t very funny to begin with. If that's the only joke you know, will your lackluster sense of humor hurt you when it comes to attracting a romantic partner? It turns out that the use and importance of humor differs between men and women in ...


1 Comments, 35 Views, 1 Votes
nvrgetsenuf 50 F
11  Articles
First Date Fuck-Ups, episode 2   2/7/2012

I met Jose (not his real name, to protect the guilty), while I was pumping gas & he was cleaning the canopy over the gas pumps. He would splash a little water to make me think it had started sprinkling. He did this twice before I looked up to see him. He then asked if I would like to go to a movie Friday. He was very good looking so I answered yes. He told me where his second job is, what time he ...


2 Comments, 523 Views, 24 Votes ,4.61 Score
smky2876 40 C
1  Article
SEX AND YOUR FIRST NAME   1/22/2012

According to studies, your sexual identity is revealed by the first letter of your first name what do you think? Those of you with names that start with N will probably wish it started with K

Disclaimer This was given to me by a close friend of mine named John Lozon A

You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean ...


4 Comments, 391 Views, 19 Votes ,4.44 Score
takemeasiam74 43 M
10  Articles
humor   1/9/2012

we all need to laugh and humor can help us all relax, sexually it is v important


1 Comments, 44 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
xplodeu 48 M
3  Articles
Pitfalls vs Pussies?   10/2/2011

I'm just curious to know what women prefer in bed. I'm sure if your sitting at home right now with the moggy on your lap your gonna say pussy right? But if you had put pussy to bed 5 min ago, and walked into your bedroom, What would you be expecting to find?

A bottle of wine and chocolate, a whip or other? I understand everyone here states their preferences, but I'm seeking here ...


2 Comments, 122 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
coolwinterclass 52 M
5  Articles
booted out   8/1/2011

A husband and his wife had a very bad argument.He left and went to the bar. when he home three sheets to the wind. He saw that all his clothes and tools were lying in the front yard. When seeing this through blurry eyes he stormed in the house and confronted wife."Bitch I know your leaving but you sure in hell are not taking my stuff with you"


2 Comments, 370 Views, 12 Votes ,3.68 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
"Joys of Parenting "   6/22/2011

A Woman's Experience With

For those who already have past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have this age, this is not funny. For those who have nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had , this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous mother.

Things I've learned from my (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size ...


3 Comments, 275 Views, 12 Votes ,5.63 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Vacation   6/22/2011

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; his wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap.

The wife, to escape her snoring husband, decided to take the boat out. Since she was not familiar with the lake, she rowed out to the middle, anchored the boat, and started ...


1 Comments, 278 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
secret to a long marriage   5/31/2011

There once was a little old man and woman who had been married happily for 75 years. They never kept anything from each other. But, the little old woman had a box in her closet which she told her husband not to look at. He respected her wishes and thought nothing of it.

One day the little old woman got very sick and her husband was afraid she was going to pass on. So while she she was ...


2 Comments, 151 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Husband & wife !   5/8/2011

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
...


3 Comments, 244 Views, 23 Votes ,3.71 Score
rm_manz634 33 M
5  Articles
'reyan George" captured!   5/4/2011

recently i had the rare learning opportunity to deal with a professional con artist on Asian Sexfriendfinder.com.com. I received a email from a lady naming herself reyan George who only had one photo on her account. she quickly started with a story about how she was looking for love and cherished love etc. right away i knew something was up because it seemed like it was a letter that was sent to ...


0 Comments, 150 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
travisb66 52 M
9  Articles
freudian slips   4/29/2011

Two guys are discussing their weekends around the watercooler one Monday, and one says, "You ever have an embarassing slip of the tongue? I was at dinner with my girlfriend, and the waitress had a huge rack. I was really good all night, consciously keeping myself from staring at her, until my girlfriend offers to pay. She pt down some money, and i asked her if she'd left a decent tit. I was ...


2 Comments, 184 Views, 14 Votes ,3.14 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Grandma's pies !   4/29/2011

Granny made such beautiful pies.

So one day I asked her, "How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edges so even?"

She said, "It's a family secret. So promise not to tell. I roll out the dough, and I cut out a bottom layer and carefully put it in a pie plate. Then I slowly pour the filling, making sure it's not too full. Next I cut a top layer and put it ...


5 Comments, 176 Views, 12 Votes ,2.62 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
true love   4/28/2011

Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring." As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's birthday, I'm going ...


3 Comments, 86 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the horrible curse   4/28/2011

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife".


3 Comments, 94 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
My Wife and I Were Happy For Twenty Years.......   3/7/2011

My wife and I were happy for twenty years...then we met.

. I just got back from a pleasure trip - I drove my wife to the airport

. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice

. One woman says to another, "Isn't your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other woman ...


1 Comments, 285 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Night of the black strap on !   2/24/2011

I picked up this 6 ft tall knockout of a brunette back in the late 70's in a disco one mild winter night. She lived in a two story apartment townhouse with her bedroom upstairs. Just as sweet as she could be seemed like. Was always licking her lips like Cher.

After we had sex (and it was great too) she went into her bathroom and came out wearing a big black strap on dick that looked ...


4 Comments, 280 Views, 15 Votes ,3.13 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Internet connection !   1/18/2011

There was this young man, on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. But, it did not last. A Hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down almost instantly.

The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and ...


5 Comments, 117 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
7_inches_4_u916 26 M
8  Articles
first time swallowing   1/14/2011

ill never forget the time i had this hot girl swallow for me. the look on her face was priceless. so innocent but so confused LOL.


0 Comments, 181 Views, 0 Votes
Cruelhammer 58 M
8  Articles
Size Doesn't Matter   1/7/2011

A couple had been dating for about a month, but the guy was afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.

Finally one evening, he gets up his courage, and takes her to lovers' lane. While they are making out, he opens his zipper and places her hand on his penis.

"Stop! How dare you!" the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."


1 Comments, 304 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Doctor ! Doctor !   12/17/2010

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a set of curtains! Pull yourself together, man!

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell. Well, just go home and if the feeling persists, give me a ring.

Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow. Don't let people push you around.

Sigmund Freud by Deddi Shy Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible. Who said that?! ...


1 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
one fall day   12/14/2010

One Fall day, Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse, was a second hearse which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife, " the man replied. "I'm sorry, " ...


1 Comments, 111 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the wooden anniversary   12/13/2010

We've been married a little over four years, and we just celebrated our "Wooden Anniversary." Yeah, I asked my wife to blow me, and she woodnt !!!


1 Comments, 50 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
birthday gifts   12/13/2010

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"


1 Comments, 63 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
fine wine   12/13/2010

"Look at me." an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his birthday bash. "I've aged like a fine old carefully stored wine."

"I certainly have to agree with that." piped-up his obviously long suffering wife. "Henry's cork's been stationary for years."


1 Comments, 61 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
guardian angels   12/13/2010

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
lil ohnny in 1st grade   12/13/2010

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat. "What Animal is this?" she asked. "A cat!" said Eddie. "Good job! Now, what is this Animal?" "A dog!" said Eddie. "Good! Now what Animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad." "A ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
barely used   12/13/2010

A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:

Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

Driving along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
saving it up   12/13/2010

The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel. Next morning at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs. The smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident. Fifteen minutes later the young bride ...


1 Comments, 90 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
to whom it may concern....   12/13/2010

The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues.

In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that you are completely well. You have the heart function that you ...


1 Comments, 79 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
early from work   12/13/2010

A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his best friend in bed. The man throws up his hands in disbelief and says, "My God Pete !!! I more-or-less 'have to', but YOU ???"


1 Comments, 98 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
curiosity   12/13/2010

My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."


1 Comments, 117 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
hmmmmmmmmmmm!   12/13/2010

After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more than enuff to drink. Finally, he took the girl of ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
amazed   12/13/2010

A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get.

Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs. They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there ...


1 Comments, 97 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
LOL!   12/13/2010

TO MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The followingis a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
newlyweds   12/13/2010

To his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish! Your cunt is as big as a dish!" She replied, "Why, you fool, With your limp little tool It's like driving a nail with a fish!"


1 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
travelling man   12/13/2010

My wife, when I traveled away, Made sly extramarital hay, And partied for hours With chosen endowers, And often came back the next day.


1 Comments, 79 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
headache cure??   12/13/2010

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, ... it's up to you!"


1 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
just like marriage   12/13/2010

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

...


1 Comments, 188 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the caring wife   12/13/2010

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was ...


1 Comments, 224 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
WEATHERING MARRIAGE   12/13/2010

What do Marriage and a Tornado have in common?

Well you start off with a lot of blowing and then sucking, and then next thing you know your house is gone!


2 Comments, 209 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
middle aged couple   12/13/2010

The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no ...


1 Comments, 44 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
private investigator   12/13/2010

My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."


1 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
deaj au vous?   12/13/2010

After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more than enuff to drink. Finally, he took the girl of ...


1 Comments, 40 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
conseling   12/13/2010

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."

The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?" The husband replies "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not me."


1 Comments, 48 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
morning rituals   12/13/2010

What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning?

-Sends him to work.


1 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
isnt life interesting?   12/13/2010

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He walked out to the ...


1 Comments, 54 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
his last request.....   12/13/2010

Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. "What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady. "Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary. "Well what is it, Mary?" "Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father." "Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me ...


1 Comments, 54 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
amazing foods   12/13/2010

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.

Wedding cake!


1 Comments, 28 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
all the thanks i need....   12/13/2010

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed ...


1 Comments, 88 Views, 7 Votes ,6.10 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
freudian slips???   12/13/2010

One of Sigmund Freud's early patients rushed out into an Austrian afternoon on her way to meet her best friend at a coffee house. Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst out crying. Her friend begged her to share what was wrong. "Oh, it's just terrible, " she wailed. "Today the doctor told me I'm in love with my father, and. . .and. . .and you know, he's a married man!"


1 Comments, 38 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a meeting called   12/13/2010

The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the "other man".

The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to ...


1 Comments, 74 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
emergency preparedness   12/13/2010

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, Dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it."

So she drove the boat to ...


2 Comments, 60 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
ill hold the olives   12/13/2010

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out. "Well, " said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!" "What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. ...


1 Comments, 54 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
why take the chance   12/13/2010

Gary receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.

He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."


2 Comments, 58 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
ten things universaly understood by men about women   12/13/2010

TOP TEN THINGS THAT MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.


2 Comments, 182 Views, 14 Votes ,1.06 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
lil green monster   12/13/2010

Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie, " she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."

"I don't believe it for one minute !" Marie snapped."You're just saying that to make me jealous !!!"


3 Comments, 73 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
just play me a tune...   12/13/2010

A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books.

Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look ...


2 Comments, 58 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
it pays to spend more time at home....   12/13/2010

The husband, tired of a listless sex life came right out and asked his wife during a recent love-making session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm ?" She looked him rite in the eye and said, "You're never home !"


4 Comments, 105 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
poor larry   12/13/2010

Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance company ...

Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth. Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.


2 Comments, 79 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
set your clock ahead   12/13/2010

One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch." The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."


2 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
wedding surprise !!!   12/13/2010

(this was passed along to me as a true story, i can not vouch for its validity) This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with over 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage and took the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone ...


2 Comments, 176 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
4 kinds of sex   12/13/2010

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her ...


2 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
more married life   12/13/2010

A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.

The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was ...


2 Comments, 91 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
couples and oral sex....   12/13/2010

Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary's pussy.

The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, "Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!"

The waiter says, "Can I help you, sir?"

Gary yells, "There's a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck out of here!" The waiter ...


2 Comments, 109 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
40 years of marriage...   12/13/2010

A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked.

However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and ...


3 Comments, 227 Views, 14 Votes ,2.18 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
marriage consuling....   12/13/2010

After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the ...


2 Comments, 53 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
unusual dreams...   12/13/2010

A wife woke up from her night's sleep and began recounting her dream to her husband. "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks in this place, "she began, "the big ones went for a tenner and the thick ones went for 20."

"How about the ones like mine?" asked her husband. "Those they gave away, " she replied tongue in cheek.

"I had a dream too, " started the husband. "I dreamt they ...


3 Comments, 76 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
devotion   12/13/2010

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you ...


2 Comments, 66 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
another 40 years of marriage...   12/13/2010

An old couple were sitting on the porch one afternoon rocking in their rocking chairs. All the sudden the old man reaches over and slaps his wife.

She says, "Well what was that for?"

He says, "Thats for 40 years of rotten sex!"

She doesn't reply and they start rocking again.

All the sudden the old lady reaches up and slaps her husband.

He says, ...


2 Comments, 67 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
cant please em all....   12/13/2010

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid, " she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. So, he ...


2 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
play me a tune....   12/13/2010

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

"My love, " he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the ...


2 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
MARRIAGE   12/13/2010

1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).

2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

5. ...


2 Comments, 41 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Q&A   12/13/2010

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals


1 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
poor frank   12/13/2010

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right, " he asked, "for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?" "Absolutely not!" replied the pastor. "In that case, " said the young man, "I wonder if you'd consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July."


1 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
men and wine.....   12/13/2010

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have dinner with.


1 Comments, 195 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
tech support   12/13/2010

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs ...


1 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a poem   12/13/2010

A Woman's Poem

He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard .. Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew, I didn't mend his socks The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I whirled and smacked him shitless ... Like his mother used to do.


3 Comments, 58 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
say what you mean...   12/13/2010

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You ...


3 Comments, 73 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
you can be the man of your house...   12/13/2010

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man Of Your House.'

He stormed out to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to ...


2 Comments, 187 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
hearing test   12/6/2010

One day Boudreau went to the doctor to get a check up. Boudreau says to the doctor, “Mais you know something doc ... my wife Clotile, she’s having trouble wit her hearing.”

De doc say, “Well Boudreau, how bad is it?”

“Mais doc I don’t know how bad it really is but she don’t seem to hear me at all. Whats de best way to find out how bad her hearing is?”

...


1 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
used parrot   12/3/2010

Mary decided to surprise her husband Boudreau with a parrot for his birthday. At the local pet store, the one parrot available was priced at $29.95.

“Why so inexpensive?” she asked the pet store owner.

“Well, he used to live in a house of and sometimes says vulgar things.”

Since Boudreau’s birthday was the next day, she went ahead and bought the bird. ...


3 Comments, 93 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the married mans confession   12/1/2010

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "Father, I had an affair with a woman... almost."

"What do you mean almost?" questions the priest.

"Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

"Rubbing together is the same as putting it in, " explains the priest. "You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 ...


1 Comments, 127 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
25th wedding anniversary   11/20/2010

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you ...


1 Comments, 131 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
domestic dispute....   11/17/2010

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender,

"Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah, " said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over, " Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed, you ...


1 Comments, 101 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
......but who will get the wet spot??   11/17/2010

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!"

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!"

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, ...


1 Comments, 108 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
joe and john   11/17/2010

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his ...


2 Comments, 131 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
rm_keystonewest 68 M
9  Articles
where in the states do people have sex more often?   11/17/2010

There are people that will say out west they have to most sex because of the nice beaches.then their are people that will say no the state that have the coldest weather have. now if they say that az mn fl or those southern state have more sex. Here is for for thought, in those sunshine states OLD people out number the young!!! So they must be having a lot of sex right! nothing wrong with that ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a lil honey   11/17/2010

A man was invited to a friend's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, and so forth. He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.

While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years you still call your ...


1 Comments, 92 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
she was framed !   11/17/2010

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went.

When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to ...


1 Comments, 27 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
she was framed !   11/17/2010

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went.

When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to ...


3 Comments, 114 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the octopus   11/17/2010

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."

None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started picking away, better than Jimi ...


1 Comments, 74 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
devotion   11/17/2010

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times...When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you ...


2 Comments, 100 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the fishing trip   11/17/2010

Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the following conversation took place: First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing! I had to promise my wife I'd build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
using vaseline....   11/17/2010

A male market researcher was calling on homes on behalf of Vaseline. A woman answered the door."Do you use Vaseline?" asked the researcher. "Certainly, " she said. "It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns." "And what about anything else?" he asked. "Like what?" He became embarrassed. "Well, sex, maybe." Oh, of course." she said. "I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out."


1 Comments, 105 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a day to live....   11/17/2010

A middle-aged man was told at the hospital that he had only 24 hours to live. He went home in a state of shock and fell into his wife's arms. "I've been told I've only got 24 hours to live, " he said. "Can we have sex one last time?" "Of course, honey, " she said, and they went to bed. Four hours later, he turned to her and said: "Could we have sex again? I've only '" got 20 hours to live. It ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
over seas vacation   11/17/2010

With his wife away on an overseas trip, a guy decided to take his secretary back to his house for an evening of passion. They were rolling around on the bed when he suddenly remembered he didn't have any condoms. I "What are we gonna do?" he said. "I don't know, " answered the secretary. "I don't have any either." Just then he hit upon an idea. "Hey'" he yelled exultantly. "No problem. I know ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the truck driver   11/17/2010

A truck driver was going down a steep incline when, at the foot of the hill, he was able to make out a couple having sex in the middle of the road. Five times on his descent he sounded his horn, but they didn't move. He finally brought the truck' to a halt inches from them. The truck driver got out and stormed: "What the hell's the matter with you two?.Didn't you hear me? You could have been ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
dirty 4 letter words.....   11/5/2010

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well, " said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama, " she replied, "the honeymoon as wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd ...


2 Comments, 147 Views, 8 Votes ,1.62 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
surgical procedure   10/16/2010

An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his , a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his . "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, ; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me . your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."


1 Comments, 129 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
evolution   10/15/2010

A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race come about?"

The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had and so all mankind was made."

Two days later she asks her mother the same question.

The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her father and says: "Dad, how is it ...


1 Comments, 110 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
sxetafysweet 56 F
2  Articles
Paper Bag   10/15/2010

Two guys were in a bar arguing whos wife was the ugliest. This went on for some time, until finally they told each other to prove it./:>

So they leave the bar and go to one of the guys house. Guy walks in and says "Honey Im Home"

Wife walks in and yes she was ugly and husband says to the other guy "see I told you she was ugly" Other guy says "OMG" YOUR RIGHT ...


5 Comments, 239 Views, 16 Votes ,2.69 Score
terracamo 59 M
10  Articles
Who's The Boss   10/10/2010

A husband was advised by his psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife henpeck you. Go home and show her you are the boss." The man was on fire with enthusiasm and couldn't wait to try to the Doctor's advice. He rushed home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on, you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when ...


1 Comments, 173 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Quickie in the Bushes !   10/6/2010

There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a path way for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for ...


1 Comments, 130 Views, 11 Votes ,1.67 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Senior Love !   10/6/2010

An elderly senior couple was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the husband was in the living room, her ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
The $2.99 Special !   10/6/2010

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good, ' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte, ' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

...


1 Comments, 149 Views, 11 Votes ,2.98 Score
CTska 35 M
4  Articles
So   10/3/2010

A guy says to his wife who happens to be wearing a lemon between her legs (he is wearing a potato), if your going as a sour puss, i'm going as a dick potato. ba dum


4 Comments, 98 Views, 6 Votes ,0.52 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
matter of opinion......   9/30/2010

An old man marries a young woman, and though they’re in love, the wife can’t achieve an orgasm.

They ask a psychiatrist for advice. He says, “Hire a strapping young man. While you’re making love, have him wave a towel over your bodies.”

The couple’s desperate, so they hire a male to wave a towel. But despite a lengthy lovemaking session, the wife still can’t get ...


1 Comments, 92 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
bigtittiebbw 46 F
1  Article
Seriously....   9/24/2010

When chatting online, nothing makes me want to close the chat window faster than a guy saying "ask me anything you want". Yeah, I know that's my perogative. If we can't even make conversation online, I doubt there's going to be much attraction in person. Is "chatting" really that hard? Do we have to turn it into an interview.

That's all. Thank you for your attention. Carry on.


2 Comments, 181 Views, 7 Votes ,1.77 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Worth the grin !   9/22/2010

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note ...


2 Comments, 180 Views, 11 Votes ,2.05 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Check for Alzheimer's !   9/15/2010

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without making a mistake.

The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is ...


2 Comments, 144 Views, 13 Votes ,1.13 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Happy woman !   9/14/2010

A woman in her fifties is at home, naked, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I ...


2 Comments, 177 Views, 16 Votes ,2.98 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
haha   9/5/2010

pussy lol lol ...


9 Comments, 199 Views, 47 Votes ,2.17 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
The genie !   9/4/2010

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....

Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked ...


2 Comments, 177 Views, 20 Votes ,3.38 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
The Bagpiper and the Homeless Man!   9/4/2010

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw ...


2 Comments, 99 Views, 16 Votes ,0.78 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Free kittens !   9/4/2010

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.

"Hi there, little girl, I'm President Obama. What do you have in the basket?" he ...


2 Comments, 144 Views, 33 Votes ,1.49 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Trip to Vegas !   9/4/2010

George and Gertrude decided to celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

Gertrude objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Gertrude, she's a ."

"I don't believe you. ...


4 Comments, 190 Views, 27 Votes
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Marital Bliss ! ?   9/4/2010

While driving to his mothers house a husband and wife got into it as usual because he was going to see his mom.

The husband told his wife, "BITCH! Don't say a fucking word when we get over there because mama can't stand the sound of your god damn screaming railing and riling voice."

The wife replied, "You sorry of a bitch! You know what I can't stand about your old crazy, ...


3 Comments, 207 Views, 21 Votes