goodandtasty69 49 / M
"I love to Fuck"
Fuckville, Indiana, United States
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goodandtasty69 49/M
Fuckville, Indiana
Its Fuck O'Clock in the afternoon, Who wants to Fuck?
Fulfilling fantasies and engaging in delicious fuckfests. That's right, if not now, then when? Humor and laughter make hosting a erotic one on one, threeway, fourway or moreway all the more fun. I consider myself free spirit and enjoy exploring carnal eroticism with others.I have a wonderful sense of humor and making everyone feel at ease and relaxed is crucial to me. Anyone using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile, and will be subject to legal ramifications.

My Ideal Person To be so fortunate to know you, to pleasure you until you are completely satisfied. A more pleasant task does not exist.

Face it guys ... we're fucked. We're in a lose-lose situation, and the best we can hope for is to come of this with our sanity intact. Your dignity ...? Below are a few simple rules that if followed correctly, should make your miserable existence a bit more tolerable.

"Do These Jeans Make My Ass Look Fat?"
Okay guys ... this is a simple one. Remember how I said you would have to "lie, lie, and lie some more?" There's no better time to start than now. Yes, yes ... I know, I know ... Her ass does look fat in those jeans, but do you honestly believe she wants the truth here? Of course she doesn't! Not only does she want you to lie to her, but if you are one of the unfortunate souls that feels the truth is best served here, you're just opening yourself up to a whole lot of shit you can't possibly hope to handle. Let's suppose you do make the mistake and say "yes dear, your ass does look fat in those jeans." Guess what? You're now an "insensitive prick,” and lost any chance of having sex with her within the next month. And it goes without saying that she will constantly be accusing you of wanting every woman that comes within eyesight ... no matter what she looks like. To recap: the proper answer is "No Dear ... Your ass doesn't look fat in those jeans."

Don't even think about arguing with a woman. Why bother? No matter how well you present your side, you will always be wrong. How on earth can you possibly win an argument with something that bleeds for a week straight and doesn't die? You can’t. That’s how. And if you just so happen to elicit a "fine" from her ... guess what? It's definitely NOT "fine." That's when the real hell starts. "Fine" to her means "one more word from you motherfucker and I'll be using your prick as a chew toy for the dog." The moment you hear "fine,” you may as well another month onto the first no-sex month you received for saying her ass looked big in those jeans.

I hate to admit it, but I haven't quite figured this one yet. Near as I can tell it's some sort of religion with women. They seem to be worshiping some deity named "Prada,” and I have discerned that you can get into their good graces simply by complimenting their god by saying "those are very nice shoes." I've also been able to uncover that they wish to believe their god is a small god, so whatever you do ... never make the mistake of implying that their shoes are large, even if true.

This is a tricky one. We all know that women love to receive flowers, but did you know that different flowers mean different things? Well ... believe it or not, they do. Take roses for example: Red = “Love,” Pink = “Appreciation,” Yellow = “Friendship,” and as near as I can tell Orange = “I’m Horny.” My advice regarding flowers is just have the florist mix a bunch of different types and colors into a single bouquet, and let them write the card for you (anything we could possibly come up with will always read “I want to fuck you”).

“Asking Directions”
Ok guys ... I realize that we always know where we’re at, but women like to think we’re idiots. Instead of arguing with her (see the “Arguments” chapter), make a show of goodwill and ask someone directions to wherever you’re going. By now we know the fallacy of arguing over whether or not we’re lost, so this small token gesture will insure you get laid later on in the evening. And let’s face it ... that’s the only thing we care about anyway.

"Menstrual Cycles"
This is another simple one ... Get the fuck out of town while the getting is good. As previously mentioned in the “Arguments” chapter, there’s something unnatural about anything that can bleed for a week straight and not die. Do yourself a favor and watch the "Exorcist." You know ... the horror film about the little girl supposedly possessed by a demon? What few people realize is that the movie is in all actuality a documentary about one woman's week long struggle with her period. How many people died in that movie? I can think of at least four. You get the picture ...

"Magic Numbers"
Don't go there. You do NOT want to tell her how many women you had sex with before she came into your life. If you do happen to slip and tell her, you will have to list in detail every last one of them by name, if they were better looking than she, if they were better kissers, if they were better in bed, etc., etc ... (You of course should lie and tell her she was the best in all categories, and the others looked fat in their jeans.) Another reason you shouldn’t go there is if her number happens to be higher than yours, you look like a pathetic loser who has to women to fuck you. Once again ... if you slip, lie and make your at least ten times higher than hers.

“Calling Her by Your Ex’s ”
You’re fucked. The best thing you can do now is drop to your knees and grovel to her god “Prada.” If you can sleep in a separate room for a week, do it. If by chance she lets you have sex with her within the next few months, just go down on her and do not ... I repeat ... do NOT put your cock inside of her. She may ask you if you want to, but politely decline. Her asking you is a trap, and will usually be followed by “I bet you want to fuck (fill in the blank) as well!” Tell her something like “I just want to make you happy ... “ or other such nonsense and go to the bathroom and take care of yourself when you’re finished pleasing her. And never, NEVER, ask her if you can fuck her for at least six months. She will probably say “fine,” and we all know what that means.

“Fake Boobs”
One day your significant other may ask you if you would like her to get a boob job. Once again ... this is a trap. Of course we want her to get a boob job, but by no means whatsoever do you tell her “yes.” Are you really prepared to hear the litany of questions associated with an affirmative answer? Questions such as: “What ... mine aren’t good enough for you?” “So you think I have small tits?” “Do you think (fill in the blank) has nicer tits than I?” “Fine.” The key here is to make it seem like it’s her idea. Try saying: “If it’s something that will make you feel better, I will support you in anyway possible ... but I truly like you just the way you are.” By wording your response in such a manner, you insure that if she doesn’t opt for the big boob package ... you will at least still be able to have sex with her.

“Do You Think She’s Pretty?”
Another trap. The answer is simply “no.” I don’t care if Heather Locklear just walked by ... she’s NOT pretty! If you’re an adventurous soul and feel the need to flirt with the devil, say “yes” ... but always preface it with “She pales in comparison to you, but ... ”

“Penis Size”
To answer an age-old question: “yes ... it matters.” If a woman tells you it doesn’t matter ... she thinks you have a small dick. Now you big-dick bastards don’t get off that easy ... They still require you to know where their “boy in the boat” is and want you to go “canyon yodeling” on a regular basis. You just happen to have the right tool for the job, and the woman doesn’t feel the need to lie to you. If you’re one of the unfortunate ones that don’t quite measure up (if you think you don’t ... trust me, you don’t), it would behoove you to learn everything there is to know about the female anatomy and use that knowledge to the best of your ability (the “Jedi Mind Trick” will be discussed in future chapters). There are many rumored reasons “why” a woman would lie to you about penis size “not mattering,” but I think the most prevalent one is that it’s in THEIR “survival kit.”

What are your favorite musicians or bands?:
the cars

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex

What factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?:
A little of each

Ever fantasized about having sex with a celebrity? Who? What turns you on about them?:
Nina Hartley, Kathy Jones or Diane Richards..... very

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.

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  • 49 / male
  • Fuckville, Indiana, United States
Sexual Orientation:
Looking For:  Women, Couples (man/woman), Groups or Couples (2 women)
Birthdate: January 10, 1970
Hometown: Snatchville, cunt county, Burkina Faso
Relocate?: Yes
Marital Status: Single
Height: 6 ft 0 in / 182-185 cm
Body Type: Average
Smoking: I'm a non-smoker
Drinking: I'm a light/social drinker
Drugs: Prefer not to say
Education: Master's degree
Occupation: Pork Sales
Race: Caucasian
Religion: Muslim
Have Children: No
Want Children: No
Male Endowment: Average/Average
Circumcised: Yes
Speaks: English, Tagalog, Jive
Hair Color: Black
Hair Length: Short
Eye Color: Blue
Glasses or Contacts: None
My Trophy Case: